CrossDressing
by Vietta
Summary: Elena always gets tangled in Reno's bets. To bad she can never say no to helping him. A Valentine's Day drabble, and yes, Cloud's dress is purple :p


Elena scowled, "No Reno."

Reno pouted and whined, "Pllleeeeeeeeease Laney?"

"I said no! I don't care what bet you have with chocobo head I'm not helping you!" Elena crossed her arms and frowned.

Reno gave her his best puppy dog face, "But Laney I _need_ your help! Usually you get mad when I _don't_ ask for help!"

Elena sighed, "That's because you usually _need_ the help when you don't ask for it. I'm _not_ going to help you cross-dress!"

Reno got on his knees and grabbed her pant legs, "But Laney if I loose the bet I have to pay for Clouds next drinking night! He might be small but that guy can seriously put it away!"

Elena sighed and ran a hand over her face, "Reno why do you get yourself into these situations?"

Reno hugged her legs, "Because I get drunk and stupid and can't say no?" He phrased it as a question.

Elena pushed Reno off of her, "Why the hell do your bets always affect me?"

"Because you can't help but support a lost cause?" Reno stood up with a grin.

"Why on Valentine's Day?" Elena frowned.

"Did you have anything planned?" Reno grinned slyly.

"No." Elena sighed.

"Then why not on Valentine's Day?" Reno placed his hands on his hips.

Elena rolled her eyes, "Fine. I'll help you but you _owe _me!"

Reno grinned and skipped from the office. "I'll buy you a puppy."

Elena scowled, "I don't _want_ a puppy." She sat behind her desk and groaned. Why did she let herself get roped into helping Reno every time he asked?

Reno showed up at Elena's house at four o'clock, a bag in hand. He knocked happily on the door until she opened it and walked in. "What's up Laney?"

"You're serious about this?" Elena hoped he wasn't.

"I shaved my legs and trimmed my nose-hair Laney. I'm serious." Reno pulled up his pants leg to show his newly shaven legs.

Elena rubbed the space between her eyes, "Good Gaia Reno you're gonna be the death of me." Elena shut the door and led Reno to her room.

Reno smirked and followed, "You exaggerate Laney."

"Get the dress on so I can see what I have to work with here." Elena folded her arms and leaned against her dresser.

"Want me to just strip right here Laney?" Reno grinned and began unbuttoning his shirt.

Elena rolled her eyes, "Change in the bathroom smart-ass." She jerked her thumb over her shoulder.

"Whatever you say babe." Reno grabbed his bag and entered her bathroom, grinned as he heard an exasperated sigh behind him.

He changed quickly, not wanting to waste time. He wasn't going to tell Elena but he had purposefully made this bet so that he could mess with her. He had everything planned out and everything had went according to his plan so far.

He walked out and grinned at the face she made. "So how hot am I?" Her jaw was hanging to her face by a thread. He reached a hand out and shut her mouth, "I'm guessing I'm _really_ hot?"

Elena shook her head like a dog shakes off water, "Good Gaia you look weird!"

Reno frowned. "Not exactly the reaction I was hoping for."

"Sorry but I wasn't expecting you to look _quite_ so ridiculous." Elena stifled laughter behind her hand.

Reno put his hands on his hips, "Whaddaya mean ridiculous?"

"I mean," Elena reached into Reno's shirt and pulled the padding out of his bra. "that only girls like Tifa can have boobs like that."

Reno held his hands over his chest to protect his heavily padded assets, "But I want big boobs!"

Elena laughed and moved his hands out of the way, "Reno you _can't_ have double-D's when you're as skinny as you are. It's just not physically possible and it just screams 'fake boobs'."

"Then how come Tifa has big boobs? She's smaller than me!" Reno frowned as Elena reduced his cup size.

"Didn't I just say it screams 'fake boobs'?" Elena tossed the extra padding aside with a smirk.

"I'm gonna tell her you said that." Reno adjusted his fake assets to a more comfortable position.

"You think she'll believe you?" Elena sat Reno in a chair and pulled out a large bag full of make-up.

"Yo you're gonna put make-up on me?" Reno balked.

"Reno if you're gonna be a girl tonight you're gonna need to wear make-up." Elena began sorting out the make-up.

"Isn't it itchy?" Reno grabbed a bottle of foundation and looked at it with distaste.

"Only if you're allergic." Elena grabbed the bottle from him. "That's not your color Reno."

"How the hell am I supposed to know what my color is?" Reno raised an eye-brow.

"You aren't supposed to worry about your color that's my job." Elena unscrewed the cap on one of the bottles. "Hold still or this'll look like crap."

Reno sighed but remained still as Elena put various creams and powders on his face. He stayed still longer than he ever thought he had and he was about complain about it when Elena stepped back to admire her work. "Not half bad."

"Can I look?" Reno raised an eyebrow.

"Go ahead. I still have to do your hair but you look a lot more girly now." Elena started packing up her make-up.

Reno turned and nearly fell out of his chair. He definitely looked like a girl, but he wasn't sure if he liked that fact. His tattoos were completely hidden under make-up and whatever Elena had done to his face had made his eyes look greener. He knew that if he didn't know he was looking at himself he would be utterly convinced that there was a girl sitting in front of him. "There's reasons I asked you for help Laney." Reno grinned and fluttered his darkened lashes at her.

"This is weird as hell, you know that right?" Elena undid Reno's ponytail and started to fix his hair.

"I know." Reno grinned and faced the mirror, "Don't pull so hard Laney, I wanna have some of that left in my head when you're done."

"Sorry." Elena giggled and brushed his hair out more gently, "I haven't done a make-over in the longest time."

"Why not? You're good at it." Reno leaned back in the chair and let his head fall over the back only to have Elena push his head back up.

"I don't have any girl friends to do this with. You need to keep your head up Reno, otherwise you'll look like shit." Elena pulled the brush through Reno's hair.

"I don't think I can look like shit Laney, I look frickin' hot yo!" Reno puckered his lips at himself in the mirror and Elena giggled.

"Think you'll fool people?" Elena grinned.

"Oh yeah I can. I don't even recognize myself Laney." Reno adjusted his dress on his shoulder.

"What's the deal with this bet anyways?" Elena guided Reno's head back to where she needed it.

"Chocobo-butt got wasted with me and I teased him about that time he cross-dressed to get into Corneo's ya know? So he bet that I couldn't pull it off as good as he did and I said I could. He's having Tifa help him dress up." Reno grinned from ear to ear and he told the story, "The whole point of this is to see who can get the most phone numbers tonight. Wanna start me off Laney-poo?"

Elena laughed, "Sure why not?"

Reno grinned, "Thanks Laney-poo! Are you gonna come watch?"

Elena smiled, "Sure."

Reno winked at her in the mirror, "Gonna wear somethin' sexy for me?"

Elena laughed, "You'll just have to wait and figure it out won't you? I'm going to have to teach you how to walk like a girl though."

"That reminds me," Reno smacked himself in the forehead, "I forgot to get shoes!"

Elena laughed and finished his hair. "So little drag queen, whaddaya think?"

Reno grinned, "I dunno, would you do me?"

Elena laughed, "I'm not a lesbian Reno."

Reno spun around and rested his head on his hands, "Would you be a lesbian for me?"

"No. I don't think it works that way." Elena grinned and shooed him out of her bedroom. "You wait in the living room and be good while I get ready. It won't take long."

"Yo can I watch?" Reno held his foot in the door as she tried to close it.

"No!" Elena kicked Reno in the shin and slammed the door shut as he hopped in pain.

"MEANIE!" Reno yelled and promptly fell over, the dress tangling his legs together. He heard muffled laughter from behind her door as the familiar click of a lock sounded. He sat himself on Elena's couch and toyed with his now slightly curled hair.

"You're takin forever Laney!" Reno called over the couch for the tenth time.

"I am not!" Elena shouted back. She looked herself over in the mirror one last time and grabbed two purses and a pair of heels for Reno.

Reno groaned, "Gaia you're such a woman!"

"I could say the same about you right now René." Elena opened the door and threw one of the purses at Reno.

"I'm guessing that's my girl name for tonight?" Reno grabbed the purse and caught the shoes she tossed deftly.

"It can be, I don't really care one way or the other." Elena shrugged and strapped her own shoes on.

Reno tried not to gawk at his blonde friend. "Holy shit you look good yo!"

Elena laughed and straightened, "Thanks _René_."

"I change my mind, you can't come. You're prettier than me." Reno pouted.

Elena laughed and punched him lightly on the shoulder. "Put those heels on and lets go."

"Yo I thought you didn't want to go clubbing? You seem all eager now." Reno did as he was told and put on the heels.

"I can't help but get excited at the thought of you embarrassing yourself." Elena rolled her eyes and took over putting on Reno's shoes. "You really don't know shit about being a girl do you? You can't even put heels on!"

"I'm usually taking the heels off of girls, not putting them on." Reno grinned lewdly.

Elena rolled her eyes. "Wanna see if anyone recognizes you René? You can pose as my cousin from Gongaga or something. I wonder if Rude will hit on you." Elena tapped a finger against her reddened lips.

"If I play my cards right I might even get _Tseng_ to hit on me." Reno winked and followed Elena out of the apartment.

"I bet you that Tseng will recognize you from a mile off." Elena put her arm through Reno's and pulled him along the hall as he tottered unsteadily in his heels.

"What are we betting?" Reno tried to swing his hips as he walked.

"Don't swing what you don't have Reno. I've seen girls with asses twice the size of yours that swing their hips less." Elena nudged him in the side, "Clench your butt-cheeks together, that'll help."

"Really?" Reno laughed as he found out that she was right, "You didn't answer the question."

"Well, I don't know. What do you want to bet?" Elena nearly slapped herself for giving him the option.

Reno grinned, "I think we should bet next weekend's activities."

Elena raised an eyebrow, "What do you mean by that?"

Reno's grin got wider, "I mean, if Tseng recognizes me then I get to decide what we do. If he doesn't then you get to decide what we do."

Elena grinned, "When was it decided that _we_ were doing anything next weekend?"

Reno grinned, "Do you have plans?"

Elena sighed, "No."

"Then why can't we do something next weekend?" Reno raised the pitch of his voice as they neared the Turk office.

Elena giggled and rolled her eyes, "Fine _René_. Whoever wins gets to pick what we do, if anything." Reno gave as girly a giggle as he could as Elena led him into the Turk office.

"Hey Rude!" Elena called out cheerily when she spotted Rude sitting on a couch in the lobby, newspaper in hand.

"Hey Elena." Rude looked up over the paper and gave a low whistle. "You look good. Reno on the other hand...."

Reno dropped his jaw in disbelief but kept his voice high pitched, "How the hell did you know it was me?"

Rude chuckled, "I can just tell."

Reno frowned, "Stupid best friend...."

Elena giggled, "Where's Tseng? I want to introduce him to _René _ my cousin from Gongaga."

Rude chuckled and gestured towards Tseng's office with a jerk of his head. "I don't know what the bet is but I think Elena's gonna win Reno."

"It's _René!"_ Reno frowned as Rude began to laugh hard.

"I wish I had my camera." Rude straightened his newspaper and hid his face behind it.

"You just want pictures of my sexiness." Reno made a kissy face at Rude and tried to swing his hips as Elena led him towards Tseng's office.

"Hey Tseng, are you around?" Elena poked her head inside Tseng's office.

"Obviously. What do you need Elena?" Tseng didn't look up from his papers.

"I want you to meet someone." Elena pulled Reno into the office behind her.

Tseng looked up eyebrow raised. "Who's this supposed to be?"

"This is René my cousin from Gongaga." Elena grinned.

"You did quite the number on him Elena. I almost didn't recognize him." Tseng smirked, "You both look very pretty."

Reno scowled and Elena laughed, "Yo I'm not just pretty! I'm _sexy!_ Get it right Tseng."

Tseng let out a chuckle, "What's the bet?"

"I just won." Elena grinned and started to pull Reno out of the room.

"Hold on a second. I want a picture." Tseng started to riffle through his desk.

"I can pose if you like." Reno fell over as he tried to position himself like a supermodel.

Tseng laughed as Elena picked Reno off the floor, "Who said I wanted a picture of you?"

Elena blushed and Reno frowned, "I _told_ you you were prettier than me! you're gonna steal all the guys!'

Tseng laughed harder, "Have you finally come out of the closet Reno?"

"No! I made a bet with chocobo-head!" Reno stomped his foot in frustration.

"It's not her fault she's prettier than you." Tseng grinned as he pulled a camera out of his desk, "She's wearing a prettier dress."

Elena blushed, "Thanks Tseng."

Reno put his hands on his hips, "Wanna swap Laney?"

Elena laughed, "No! This dress is short on _me!_ How do you think it would fit you? You definitely wouldn't fool _anyone_ into thinking you're a girl if you wore this, you'd have a few, ahem, _personal _places sticking out."

Reno frowned, "I think I should take Rude instead. He's not as pretty."

"Then everyone would think you're taken." Elena pulled him out of the office.

"I didn't get my picture!" Tseng called out as they walked away.

"You're gonna have ta fight me for her boss, I called her for tonight!" Reno's voice raised an octave.

"I might just do that." Tseng laughed as Reno shut the door.

The club was noisy and dark. Reno and Elena were quickly enveloped in the press of dancing bodies as they made their way to the bar to find Cloud and Tifa. It took them about twenty minutes to find the pair and Reno managed to get five phone number on the way. "Yo chocobo-butt!"

Cloud rolled his eyes and adjusted his wig, "Convincing Reno."

"It's René tonight storm Cloud." Reno sat himself beside Tifa and pulled Elena into the booth with them.

"René?" Tifa nearly choked on her drink. "Who picked that one?"

"I did." Elena grinned.

"What's your girl name Spike?" Reno opened his purse. "I've already got five numbers."

"I don't have a girl name and I don't give a damn how many numbers you have. This is embarrassing as hell!" Cloud hid his head in his hands.

"You remember what you have to do if you lose right?" Reno pushed a strand of hair behind his ear.

"Ugh!" Cloud lifted his head, "Why the hell did I agree to this?"

"Because you got drunk." Tifa grinned and started to prod Cloud out of the booth. "Get your pretty ass out there and get some phone numbers!"

Cloud grumbled as he walked away, stumbling slightly in too tall heels, "I'm gonna make sure he doesn't kill anyone. I'll see you two later." Tifa got out of the booth and followed the annoyed blonde.

"Excuse me Miss? You wanna dance?" Elena jumped as a hand was gently placed on her shoulder.

"No thankyou!" Elena stammered and moved out from under the strangers hand.

"She's just bein' shy." Reno winked at the stranger as Elena scooted closer to him.

"Think you can talk her into giving me her number sweet-cheeks?" The man grinned back at Reno, completely unaware that he was using the pet name 'sweet-cheeks' on another man.

"Give me your number and I'll have her call you babe." Reno pulled a pen out of his purse and grabbed a napkin off the table and handed both to the stranger.

"Thanks doll. I'll see you sweet things later." The man winked and handed Reno the napkin and pen.

"See ya!" Reno let his voice drop back to it's normal timbre as the man walked away. "I take back what I said earlier, it _was_ a good think I brought you! I can use you to get numbers!"

"I hate you, you know that right?" Elena scowled as Reno prodded her out of the booth.

"Yeah yeah, get your pretty ass out there and get me some numbers!" Reno sniggered and followed the annoyed blonde onto the dance floor.

By the time the night was over Reno had lost all sensation in his ass from having it grabbed so many times and Elena was ready to slap him. He had almost thirty numbers and was still trying to get more even though Cloud had given up and gone home hours ago. "Can we leave now?" Elena had to scream to be heard over the noise.

Reno looked at her and smiled, "Sure Laney, we can leave now."

"Thank the gods!" Elena grabbed his wrist and pulled him out of the club.

They hailed a cab and rode back to Elena's apartment. "Why the hell did we stay so long Reno?" Elena pulled off her heels and massaged her aching feet.

"I dunno." Reno tried to undo his heels but couldn't figure out the straps.

Elena rolled her eyes, "Let me help."

"Thanks." Reno stuck his foot at her. "Did you have fun?"

"I'm not sure yet." Elena removed the heel and set it on the floor of the cab. "I'm still trying to forget about that pervert that kept grabbing my ass."

"He grabbed your ass too!?" Reno sat up.

"I usually don't go clubbing because of that. There's always perverts around." Elena pulled Reno's other heel off and set it next to the other one.

"I don't envy you girls any. Whoever the hell that was he was none to gentle. My ass feels like hamburger." Reno stretched and started to un-pad his bra, throwing the stuffing onto the floor. "At least when I grab some ass I'm nice about it and don't squeeze it like that."

Elena laughed and pulled off her other shoe. "Well _René_ how many numbers did you get?"

"Lost count at about twenty." Reno grinned and wiped his lipstick off on his arm. "I think I'm gonna prank call all those bastards in my normal voice. That aughta be entertaining."

Elena yawned and stretched her back, "Sounds fun."

"You tired Laney?" Reno smiled sympathetically at his obviously exhausted friend.

"Yeah." Elena let out another crippling yawn.

"Wanna lay down 'til we get there?" Reno stretched out as best he could in the cramped taxi cab.

"Yeah." Elena rested her head on Reno's lap and curled up on the seat.

"Think this was a good Valentine's day Laney?" Reno ran a hand through her hair.

"Mmmhmm." Elena closed her eyes and laid her hand on Reno's knee.

"Good." Reno tucked a few loose strands of hair behind her ear. "I don't think next weekend should involve any cross-dressing though."

Elena cracked open one eye and looked at him with it, "I agree. Next weekend shouldn't involve any clubs with grabby-handed bastards either."

"What if I'm the grabby handed bastard?" Reno smirked down at her as he massaged her scalp.

"Then it's okay." Elena grinned, "I can punch you without feeling bad about it."

"Laney I don't think I would like hanging out with you if I didn't have bruises afterwards." Reno leaned down and kissed Elena full on the mouth once. "Happy Valentine's Day Laney."

Elena reached up and kissed him back, "Happy Valentine's Day Reno."

**Author's Note: I know it's past Valentine's Day, but the thought occurred to me yesterday and I thought it was cute so I wrote it. Please review so I know what you like and don't like about this!**


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